Sunday, 16 June 2013

Flight Fancies

  • If you don't speak the language of the country you're visiting, and can't  even figure out international sign language for "get up - you're in my seat",  you shouldn't be allowed on a plane.

  • Airlines should have more than one coffee machine for their fleet. "We apologize for the inconvenience but there is no coffee on this flight as our machine is broken".  Machine. Singular.  Think bigger you people - head to Costco and spend the extra $25.00 for a spare.

I'm so bored!
  • I suspect airlines are removing the padding from the seats to squeeze one more person at the back of the plane (my rear end is numb).  They've overlooked the obvious of 'standing room standby' and 'passenger seat rotation'.  'Sit half the time, stand half the time. It's like cutting your travel hours in half!  

  • "We apologize for the delay but we're having a small issue with the main cabin door". Issue?  It opens, it closes.  There's no fancy "issue". It's stuck. 

  • "We're overbooked. If anyone would give up their seat on this flight, we offer....

Next flight:  we're overbooked ......
Next flight:  we're overbooked......
Next flight:  we're overbooked.....

You'd think this would be illegal. If I tried to sell things I didn't actually have, I'd be arrested for fraud and tossed in the slammer (where did "slammer" come from?  I meant the hoosegow).


  • Now this is interesting. The 0.42 oz (12g) bag (i.e. little little bag) containing  mini pretzels I received for dinner, is the exact size of the distance between my knees and the seat in front of me.  Width of the bag of course, not length (that would be business class).  I also got a 1/2 can of Ginger Ale which mixed with the pretzels makes the entire meal more filling. I could have had peanuts but I had those for lunch.

  • The woman sitting beside me (who tried to steal my seat) slept through "supper". Tough buns!  She wouldn't move even when I did my best John Cleese imitations so I certainly wasn't going to wake her for the 6 pretzels deal.   Anyway, she might have taken mine. 

What's not to understand?  It's MY seat

  • Domestic flights are really boring. Even the crying baby behind me has finally fallen asleep. Lets see - no meals, no movies or music - it's like sitting in a closet and doing nothing. A "time out" for adults. It stinks. 

  • "We're approaching Montreal. Susan please prepare the cabin for arrival".  This is the problem with being TOO casual. I'm tempted to stand up and say "NO"! Maybe a few other Susans on the flight would join me. Susan, the flight attendant, didn't seem to be doing much.

Are we there yet?


  1. When did air travel become such a pain in the ass? When I was 6 or 7 I thought it was fantastic. Now it is mostly irritation. They should serve little bags of Valium instead of pretzels. Of course there would be a fee.

  2. You get the BEST ideas! A bag of valium and I wouldn't be complaining at all :)