Monday, 16 August 2010

Come to the Country - You'll LOVE It!

Now THIS is country!
The very words “We're going to the country this weekend” raise pity in me.

Oh, the country? Isn’t that nice! My my.”

Country People: “Yes, we have to leave quite early. It’s not far, but getting out of the city adds an extra three hours to the drive”. (Oh God)

Country People: We’ve rented a very basic cottage (read primitive plumbing) but who spends time inside? We’ll be cooking outdoors, (hotdogs and bugs if it doesn’t rain), swimming in the lake (if it warms up by 20 degrees and can step around the slime), and we’ll hike!

By this time I’m so afraid of being near these people that I’m backing away!

Well, that sounds so wonderful. You must tell me all about it when you get back” (if you can find me).

Country People: “I don’t know why you don’t join us. It’s such a pleasure to get out of the city. You’re so pale. You need to relax and get some fresh air. You'll LOVE it”.

“I’m sure I would – maybe next life I’ll have more time.”

  
There are several problems with this whole conversation which you’ve probably already spotted.
  • I hate the country
  • If I have to travel for hours and hours, France better be at the other end. 
  • I like indoor plumbing. I like to know I can flush whenever I want, don’t have to jiggle, or worse.
  • The country is not a place to relax. It’s more work than staying at home. I don’t have to haul my food outside at home. If I want to eat outdoors, the waiters are more than happy to bring my meal out to the terrace.
  • Skunks and racoons don’t get cuter the closer you get. They aren’t friendly My cat is extremely cute and loves a good pat.
  • I love the water but don’t like sharing it with fish and other things I don’t even want to mention.
  • Pale is good. Every doctor will tell you to stay out of the sun!

City girl? Yes! Please don’t ask me to go to your cottage and I promise I won’t try to force you to the Riviera (which, of course, is my idea of country living – but that’s for another time)!

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3 comments:

  1. Anonymous8/16/2010

    Hysterical!
    'If I have to travel for hours and hours, France better be at the other end'
    Love it!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous8/16/2010

    WOOOHOOO YOU ARE MY GIRL!!
    your Parisian friend xo

    ReplyDelete
  3. Us city girls have to stick together :)

    ReplyDelete